No one said it was easy

No one ever told me life would be easy. No one ever told me I'd meet the man of my dreams at age 25, fall madly in love, and live the happy life. No one ever promised me eternal happiness, I just expected it. Expectations have led me to many many many disappointments. Being the quick learner that I am, I decided to stop expecting. I did that, and now... well.. I expect the unexpected and I receive it. So what's worse.. expecting the absolute best and being disappointed, or expecting the unexpected and being disappointed. Either way, I end up disappointed at some level. Life is beautiful and I can't get dragged down in the craziness of it all. I need to maintain my focus.. I am easily distracted by better feeling thoughts.. and beings.. and I am very affected by others.. Or maybe I am that affected by myself. Who knows. All I know is I am struggling with my boundaries. I met someone who I thought was a lot of fun.. only to find out that he is in a whirlwind mess.. and it's hard for me to handle his stress and my own. He hasn't asked me to at all but by default I just kind of am thrown into it. in the end.. it's my choice as to whether or not I want to care too much.. but sadly, I like him a lot. He's a lot of fun.. and we have fun together. Granted.. I could probably have fun with someone else too.. but I haven't felt that way about someone in a long time. I haven't let down the guards in a long time.. and now I do and it's just a mess. So messy that i should probably close that door. I'm having a hard time doing that. What is it that I want? I want the companionship that he brings. He listens.. I would like to be with someone who pays close attention to me.. and what I am sayin and who understands. I'm not sure he understands and I know he has alot of things he needs to deal with. I can't do any of it for him... so here I am again.. knowing I need to walk away.. and hurting because I know i have to. This time it's different, this time I really don't want to. Maybe i'm not done yet? But I know I said everything I needed to say. We're spending a weekend apart and maybe something will come of the time apart.. a new sense of clarity.. something. This is depressing.. and it shouldn't be.. because it's not my life.. I've just allowed it to be. Funny how that can happen. I need sleep.